My life as anime/manga

Recently, I have unfortunately been cast in something of a "moe" role in my life.  I used to be organized, athletic, and fairly self-confident. Then I got hurt and kept racking up additional injuries to the point where now I am that klutzy pathetic character everyone feels they have to take care of.  (You can maybe tell I am not thrilled with this.)

"If someone has flaws or defects, but that is exactly what draws you to them, people call it moe.  It's different from 'like,' where you're drawn to their good points, their strengths. 'Like' doesn't care for defects or flaws.  Moe is the opposite of 'like' or 'dislike.'" - Yuko in XXXholic: Anotherholic, page 96-97

Today I was reminded a bit irritatingly of the side of me that overcompensates by being a little bit of a tsundere character. I am especially cold and distant because I don't wish to engage in relationships with people who constantly have to see my weaknesses and think of them as being cute.   Warghhhh.

I met up with an old acquaintance from an anime club I have belonged to for years (he was a member about four years ago). We were both volunteering in the choir of a September 11 memorial event, and we chatted a couple of times during 10 minute breaks at rehearsal.

Back when I knew him, he had no interest in music, so I was surprised to reunite with him unexpectedly in a church basement.  He explained that there was a bad breakup, and he was lonely, and he believed in God and someone asked him to be in a church choir, and he just fell in love with the energy of making something spectacular with a group that couldn't be made alone.

Before the concert tonight, he said something true and hilarious.  "I was thinking back to when I knew you in anime club, and the way I remembered it, you were . . .  Well, the few times I decided to talk to you because, well, because you looked kinda cute, you . . . didn't seem very interested in talking much.  But this time, you don't seem like that at all."  Very diplomatic for such a straightforward person.

I suppose I could've explained that it was a normal reaction to being thrown into a situation where I expected to know no one and unexpectedly finding someone that I knew, mostly from conversations overheard in anime club years ago. 

I could've explained that I knew I shared music with all of the other volunteers, but it was a pleasant surprise to find someone with whom I had another shared interest.

I could have explained that I act standoffish for a lot of reasons, including a desire to prevent any boys from being attracted to me), but am a shameless eavesdropper who likes to know about but not interact with (probably causally related to my being a writer and my ability to sort of naturally tamp down my presence so tight that I'm constantly scaring people who don't realize I am there and accuse me of having ninja powers). 

I could've also explained that my mentor recently suggested that I consider writing some sort of article about why being in choirs was so important to me and starting by asking friends with various levels of commitment to music why they love it, and finding a casual acquaintance who had suddenly developed a love of choral music could lead to some great research and maybe even a nice interview.

I just told him that in larger group contexts where I will be spending a lot of time, I don't have the energy to interact with people (true), and he nodded and said that he knew people like that, but he loved talking to people (obviously).  I'm afraid in my happiness at finding myself not alone among strangers, I have introduced him to that softer, excited side that seems to make men want to date me, and this is unfortunate because I don't have any interest in dating, just in friendship, but that's not enough.  This is why I wouldn't make a good tsundere character if my life were an anime or manga. 

Drat.  It looks like I'm stuck in moeville for the foreseeable future.  Sigh.